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Kara R
Posts:119
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Posted:12/10/2005 01:47:09 |
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Ok.. here is a fun one..
What would you do if.. A deer attacked you?
CNN's Rick Sanchez. 12/10/05
From a distance, they look gentle if not timid. But increasingly and across the country and this might surprise you, there are reports of deer attacking people.
The full grown buck had charged Arnie and when his wife tried to help, the animal turned on her. He gored her arm. To escape, she tried to hide in her pickup truck.
Arnie and Janine are not the only ones. In fact, there's been a rash of attacks in their State of California this fall. People trampled, kicked or worst of all, gored by one of these. Can you imagine the damage that something like this could do?
Game warden Rusty Boccaleoni responded Arnie and Janine's call for help. When he arrived on the scene, the animal charged him and he shot it.
In another California incident, this time near San Diego, a 73-year-old man picking tomatoes in this garden was suddenly charged then gored by a full grown buck. He was hospitalized, received more than 200 stitches.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There was a lady laying down. And a deer on the back stomping her. I don't know how many times a deer stomped her. Just so fast you couldn't hardly see its front paws stomping her.
SANCHEZ: Caraway tried to scare off the deer with a stick but then it turned on him.
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Bill Price
Posts:94
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Posted:12/10/2005 16:26:29 |
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I grew up on a farm, so I know the answer to this one.
Grab the horns and hang on.
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Bill Price
Posts:94
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Posted:12/10/2005 19:16:26 |
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By the way, some things are worse than a deer attack:
http://www.guzer.com/videos/donkey_chase.php
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Kara R
Posts:119
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Posted:12/10/2005 23:17:37 |
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Excellent Venison Soup
Ingredients
2 pounds ground venison
1 onion, chopped
1 parsnip, sliced
3 potatoes, cubed
3 carrots, sliced
0.5 rutabagas, peeled and cubed
1 (16 ounce) can whole peeled tomatoes, with liquid
3 cubes beef bouillon cube
3 cups water
0.5 medium head cabbage, coarsely chopped
1 bay leaf
0.5 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon salt
0.5 teaspoon ground black pepper
Directions
1. Brown meat and onions. Add the rest of the ingredients and simmer 1-2 hours.
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Seth Black
Posts:36
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Posted:12/11/2005 00:10:13 |
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First of all is it deer season?
Ok lets get a little more specific does the deer have a gun or a knife?
Is the deer holding up the waffle house?
Has he shot or stabed someone already?
Is the deer on drugs such as Crack, Coccain, Meth, Or Smack...
Ok in all seriousness here......
I would use the salt shaker as a yawara.
I hope everyone who reads this finds it the way it was ment to be...
( In Good Humor )
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Seth Black
Posts:36
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Posted:12/11/2005 00:28:23 |
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Ok Bill that video was WRONG on so many levels but oddly enough I couldnt look away...
Is that wrong?
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Bill Price
Posts:94
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Posted:12/11/2005 20:38:26 |
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Based on his accent, I believe he's Italian.
As they say, "That's Amore'.
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Bill Price
Posts:94
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Posted:12/11/2005 20:39:31 |
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I read Kara's reply as I enjoyed a nice bowl of beefy chili.
I believe it's time to go hunting.
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Paul Jenkins
Posts:6
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Posted:12/11/2005 21:53:08 |
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I am afraid having been in this particular situation before *ahem*, I will share with you the wisdom gained from this experience. First, I would make it a point to tell the deer to step away, loudly. This would create the effect of making sure that people around me saw the situation, and would testify in my defesnse. This is in case the deer is injured and hired an attorney to pursue damages. Next, I would continue trying to control the situation by attempting to deflect the antlers to the side as the deer charges. After having successfully accomplished this, I would then go into kesa-katame with the deer. After having pacified the deer in question, I would then proceed to mount the deer [Not like that you pervs]. Now, being in control of a valiant mount. I would then direct my reluctant deer conveyance to the closest waffle house in hopes of disrupting a potential robbery in action. Now, for reality. I have never been in a situation where a deer was actively aggressive. I have however seen the damage caused by deer attacking moving vehicles. I think what would actually be done would be dependent on the situation. Knowing that I a) can't out run the deer b) don't want to be gored by antlers and c) don't want to be stomped to death by bambi [I mean really, could you imagine the conversations behind your back]. I am afraid it would be completely dependent on the situation. How the lighting was, how I felt at that point, whether there were other people in harms way, whether I had managed not to wet myself, etc.
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Kara R
Posts:119
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Posted:12/12/2005 15:12:39 |
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Is that a deer between your legs or are you just happy to see me?
http://www.muleymadness.com/gallery/v/tours01/album01/0_G.jpg.html
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Kara R
Posts:119
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Posted:12/12/2005 15:13:28 |
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On 2nd thought, my money is on the deer:
http://www.stupidcollege.com/items/Deer-Boxing
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Seth Black
Posts:36
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Posted:12/12/2005 20:16:30 |
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You could always call GODZILLA to crush bambi for you...
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Kara R
Posts:119
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Posted:12/12/2005 21:50:38 |
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Posted By Paul Jenkins on 12/11/2005 21:53:08
After having pacified the deer in question, I would then proceed to mount the deer [Not like that you pervs]. Now, being in control of a valiant mount. I would then direct my reluctant deer conveyance to the closest waffle house in hopes of disrupting a potential robbery in action.
LMAO!!!!!!!!
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Seth Black
Posts:36
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Posted:12/14/2005 01:25:02 |
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Since chilli seems to go well with deer?
I thought you might get a kick out of this no pun intended...
The Chilli Tasting Contest
The following are the notes from an inexperienced chili taster named frank, a Canadian who was visiting
Texas:
Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be judge at
a chili cook off. The original person had called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing
there at the judges table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the
other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides they told me I
could get free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event.
Chili # 1: Mikes Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
Judge One : A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge Two : Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
Frank : Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it.
Took me two beer to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili # 2 : Arthur’s Afterburner Chili
Judge One : Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge Two : Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Frank : Keep this out of the reach of children! I’m not sure what I was supposed to taste besides pain. I
had to wave off two people trying to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie - talkie in 3
extra beers when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3 : Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge One : Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge Two : A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
Frank : Call the Environmental Protection Agency, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feel like I have been
snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I’m getting very drunk.
Chili # 4 : Bubbas Black Magic
Judge One : Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge Two : Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Frank : I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300lb barmaid is starting to look HOT, like this nuclear-waste I’m eating.
Chili # 5 Linda’s Legal Lip Remover
Judge One : Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge Two : Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Frank : My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I passed gas and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. It really choke me that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili # 6 Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge One : Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
Judge Two : The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers ,onions, and garlic. Superb.
Frank : My intestines are now a strait pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that barmaid Sally. I need to wipe my but with a snow cone!
Chili # 7 Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge One : A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge Two : Ho Hum, taste as if as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Frank : You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out my mouth. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. Screw it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the four-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8 Helens Mount Saint Chili
Judge One : A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge Two : This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Canuck.
Frank : ( editors note Judge # 3 was unable to report )
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