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Kara R
Posts:119
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Posted:12/12/2005 10:16:58 |
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A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a
little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said
"did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," said the little girl "he did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for
a safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a
reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at
the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up
at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
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Kara R
Posts:119
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Posted:12/12/2005 10:25:49 |
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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer.
yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I
send
you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your
older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
____________________________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace
and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
_________________________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,
who
rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get
you
some nice Legos instead.
Santa
__________________________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set
you up
with a Barbie.
Santa
_________________________________________________________________!
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for
your
reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding
in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
scotch.
Santa
_______________________________________! ________ _________________
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I
spend
most
of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself
silly
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at
the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
________________________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake,
like
in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck ! in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
_______________________________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't
work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
________________________________________________________________
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass
whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent
apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman
does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
SANTA CLAWS!!!!
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Kara R
Posts:119
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Bill Price
Posts:94
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Posted:12/15/2005 19:58:49 |
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I think this one was probably an animated GIF that saved wrong. It's a BMP now, and isn't moving.
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Bill Price
Posts:94
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Posted:12/15/2005 20:29:35 |
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Maybe I should just add the Flash animation I made for Christmas a few years ago. I was showing someone how to do Shockwave.
http://www.chilipepper.com/swf/wethreekings.html
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Kara R
Posts:119
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